THE TRIAD - The 3 forces that shape your life
What controls our lives are the meanings we associate with the things in our lives, which are shaped by our own personal psychology and our worldview (the beliefs and values that we’ve created). For example, two people may experience the same event, where one person thinks, “God is punishing me. I might as well die,” and someone else thinks, “God is challenging me. This is the greatest gift I’ve ever received.” The perceptual difference not only affects the quality of each person’s life but what action they will take next. Once meaning is established, each individual will have a pattern of emotions that they associate with this meaning as their natural way of coping. All meanings are driven by our individual patterns of emotions. We all have patterns of emotions. For example, we all know people we like to be around because they always seem happy. We also know people who seem to be continuously frustrated, sad or angry. These emotions are driven by three forces that mould the meanings we take from those emotions – the three primary patterns of emotion called the Triad.
The "triad of emotional psychology", is the three forces that control our emotions – our physiology, our language, and our focus - and remembering this on a daily basis can change your life.
- What are you doing with your body?
- What are you focusing on or believing?
- What are you saying to yourself?
This has been especially helpful for expanding your window of tolerance, to keep growing your ability to be present for all of life without reactivity or judgment.
1. PHYSIOLOGY
Physiology dictates our feelings: How you use your body affects how you feel mentally and emotionally. If you want to master your feelings, you must be aware of how your feelings and your body are interconnected: If you stand up straight, you’ll feel prouder and alert. If you slump over and neglect your body, you’re more likely to feel negative. The next time you find yourself in a bad mood, stand up and breathe deeply. You have the power to reset your mind and mood.
The physiology concept also includes taking care of yourself. You know intuitively that you feel your best when you get enough sleep and nourish your body with quality food and nutrients. Even though it can be tempting to skimp on these basic things, don’t take that shortcut. Give yourself enough sleep to keep your mind clean and clear, and take the time to eat foods that make you feel full, nurtured and healthy.
2. FOCUS
“Where focus goes, energy flows.” The second component of the triad says that what you put your focus on is where you set your intention. Focus on the things you want and are working toward, instead of the things holding you back. Setting your focus on the positives is one of the most essential steps toward achieving your peak state.
If you feel your focus wavering or need a little refreshment, consider clearing your mind. Exercise can help you release stress and centre your focus. If you don’t have time to hit the gym or go for a run, consider doing a short meditation to refresh your focus. You can also meditate anywhere, even at your desk at work.
3. LANGUAGE
The third component of the triad is language. You speak to yourself internally and out loud. How you talk to yourself determines how you operate in the world. If you ask questions like “Why do bad things always happen to me?” instead of “What can I do to better my situation?” you are more likely to feel powerless in your own life. How you use language determines what emotions you feel, so choose wise words when you speak to yourself.
In order to keep yourself thinking positively and focused on the future and possibilities, keep track of your positive and negative words. Every time you find yourself saying a word that takes your focus in a negative direction, replace that word with a new, positive one. If you’re struggling to catch your own negative words, enlist the help of friends, family and even co-workers. Once you begin to alter your spoken word patterns and funnel them to a more positive frame, you’ll more easily be able to alter your internal speech to yourself. By changing your language, you can change your focus and reach your peak state.
CHANGE YOUR PHYSIOLOGY
“If you want to change your emotional state, start by changing your physical state” - Tony Robbins
When you change how you are holding your body, you can effect immediate changes in how you feel.
Next time you feel low, notice how you are standing/sitting, and try any or all of these:
Put a HUGE smile on your face
Stand up with your arms outstretched over your head
Do 5-star jumps
Hold your head up high and your shoulders back
When you walk, look up so you can see the horizon
How do you feel afterwards?
CHANGE YOUR LANGUAGE
“Change your words. Change your life.” - Tony Robbins
The way you talk has a huge effect on you. The words and tone you use all have a big impact. How do you talk to yourself inside your head? Do you give yourself a hard time? Do you ask yourself questions that lead you down a negative spiral?
Try these tips, and see what difference it makes:
Change how you tell your separation story. Own your story.
Instead of using your ex’s full name, use just their initials. Names have big emotional meanings, so by using just an initial, you will help yourself to disassociate from your feelings about your ex.
Ask yourself better questions – what can I do today to best support myself? Who could help me with this? What have I done today that makes me feel proud? If there was one good thing about this, what would it be? Stick these questions up around your house to remind yourself!
When you hear your inner critic coming out to play, stop and ask yourself what your best friend would say to you right now.
CHANGE YOUR FOCUS
“Where focus goes, energy flows” - Tony Robbins
Have you ever noticed that what you focus on you find more of? This means that when you focus on something negative, it affects how you feel in a negative way.
Try these tips and see what happens:
Shift your focus onto you. Create a list of all the things you like to do and make plans to do them
Adopt an attitude of gratitude. Gratitude is the antidote to negative emotion. Take a piece of paper and jot down all the good things in your life. Now concentrate on it for 30 seconds, and see how you feel
Stop telling your sad story, and talk about anything else – every time you tell your story, you relive the emotions, so prepare something else to talk about
At any given time, our physiology, what we focus on and the meaning we attribute to what we’re focusing on produce an emotion, and that emotion leads us to a particular behaviour.
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Accept yourself. Love yourself. Be yourself.
Luis Carvalho
Strategic Intervention & Life Coaching
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Visit me at www.oaklift.com
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